Jim Cramer is a circus clown — a self-proclaimed entertainer. Now, in Randall Lane’s new book The Zeroes, we can all see for the one Zillionth time that Cramer is also a self-centered opportunist (Cf. an altruistic teacher).

In case you hadn’t heard about the “genius” options trader who recorded all his winners and perpetually double-downed on all his losers, former baseball player Lenny Dykstra is back in the jailbird spotlight. This time, in addition to going bankrupt, the mumbling moron is facing some smoking guns which indicate he was receiving payments to plug stocks on Cramer’s TheStreet.com.

“But Dykstra duped Cramer.” Really? Before Cramer added Dykstra to his subscription-based investment advisory service he didn’t ask to see a documented track record? If he did, he would have known Dykstra was a liar. If he didn’t, Cramer was recklessly negligent to those who trusted his endorsements and paid for Dykstra’s advice.

I exposed Cramer’s bullshit last fall when he hypocritically stated his best-selling investment books should not be applied to his own company TheStreet.com (Nasdaq: TSCM). Bill Alpert at Barron’s has done a great job showing Cramer’s track record is the type you need like you need instantaneous combustion in your retirement account.

So, I am left asking, with proof as plain as day that Cramer is nothing but a used car salesman of finance, why does anyone invest with him?

Love Cramer or hate him? Let us know in the comments below.

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Since I pointed out some false advertising and misleading statements about Doug Kass at TheStreet.com, I have received a flood of emails. In one camp are the people who have been noting this issue for months/years and thanked me. In the other camp are people who know Doug personally and say I should cut him some slack.

Again, I don’t know Doug and I’m sure he’s a sweet guy (as I’ve been told). However, even Doug Kass himself completely disagrees with the way TheStreet is advertising his products!

Here is the ad from TheStreet:

Now, here is Doug’s tweet on his personal Twitter account:

My 8-month old daughter can see the major conflict. And I think there are a few Real Money subs who know some attorneys who can see one too. A few of my best friends at top law firms agree this is a major problem.

And if you think the “Right as Rain” ad is an isolated example, here is the promotion page for Doug Kass’s Real Money subscription service:

Click for larger image

I think the problem is certain people still have not figured out that the internet makes it impossible to play the old salesman games of saying one thing in public and another to investors or customers. The new world is one of transparency, and companies like The Street (who are falsely advertising and misrepresenting their services) will inevitably get buried in lawsuits no matter how many legal disclaimers they use.

If Doug is a nice guy, which I completely assume he is, then he should probably do the right thing and make sure his business partners aren’t ruining his reputation or falsely advertising on his behalf. Doug is too smart to make excuses for Jim Cramer’s sleezy sales team (remember Lenny Dykstra, Cramer’s “genius”?).

Jim Cramer has already proven he is nothing more than a shape-shifting infomercial circus act who forgot everything he learned in law school. As an investment fund manager of Seabreeze Partners, we expect Doug Kass’s behavior to be more along the lines of a fiduciary.

What do you think about this issue? Let us know in the comments below …

Lenny Dykstra, A Man of Deep Thoughts

During the past several months of the financial crisis, we have seen a ton of villains surface from Dante’s 9th Circle of Hell. I knew Lenny Dykstra’s day was coming for three (call them common sense) reasons:

1. Several friends on Wall St. told me he has run more than one scam in which he raised capital and effectively stole the money;
2. I have seen his options trading strategy on his website and he had been perpetually averaging down on bad picks (which is the bullet train to bankruptcy); and,
3. I saw Lenny on Real Sports when he said he doesn’t like to read because it’s too confusing.

In the following video, John Stewart continues his Jonathan Swift style account of the absurd loss of reason during the economic bubbles of the past few years. Like Zoolander, I guess Dykstra will now have time to work on his Lenny Dykstra Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too:

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Interested in more satire? Try these posts:

AIG: Writing Stories About People Who Play “It” Safe

General Motors: Truth in Advertising Campaign